you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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