It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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