John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
