I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
