Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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