So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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