so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
