Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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