i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
