We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I am midnight drunk by noon
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize