so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
