i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
