I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
