I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
