I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
not ubering you a puppy
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
