help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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