fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's rum buckets o'clock
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize