You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
