my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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