I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Even my vagina gasped.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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