Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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