so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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