question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
