i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
