He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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