what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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