You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
