Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
