im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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