ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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