I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
