Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
