I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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