this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
