It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
