Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
