i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
