I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
