evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
