Four minutes until I can fart!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she peed on how many people?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
