Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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