There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
