I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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