this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
