I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
