Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
