Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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