Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
