You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
