She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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