so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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