My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
