my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
