Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
