I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
