I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
3 2 1 whiskey
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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