You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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