dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
