I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
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You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize