have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
