I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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