Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
