3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
