I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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