His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
