idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
did i walk over a car last night?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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