Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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