There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
