So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
