You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize