the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
