NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
