he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
