are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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