I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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