ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Panties = found
Randomize
