I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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