listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
God, I missed his penis.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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