I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
