Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
